Day 3

It's as if I'm stuck dumb founded at the center of a multi-forked road, bewildered about which one to embark on, certain I can only choose one, then, like Neo bending the Matrix to his will, I decide to weave them all together to form a single path.

At one point while making this list I stopped to ponder my greatest fear. I thought conquering it should be listed, but though I had a good deal of fears on the list, I felt equally fearful of each. Then that night it dawned on me. I am my greatest fear. I am this delicately balanced being whose best quailites are teetering toward greatest faults. Examples:

impulsive = rash
honest = blunt
confident = vain
observant = obsessive
giving = relinquishing
independant = rebellious

I realize these aren't exact synonyms, but you get my drift. I often don't know what to expect from myself. I've been known to drop classes, buy things I can't afford, say hurtful things without thinking, give way too much of myself, spend hours on a minute detail, arrive late to places or not shown up at all due to insecurities over my apperance, and worst, sit paralyzed in front of a TV screen for hours. These behaviors, though seemingly harmless compared to some, don't make me proud or happy, and a good deal of the time I can bypass them all together, but other times they hold me in their grip, not relenting until I've done their bidding. But now I've made this list, confronting those tendancies, determined to stifle them once and for all.


This weekend I got the ball rolling on several goals:

76) Weed out clothing 4 times (1/4) 4/7/07

I have too many clothes. I buy too many clothes, though significantly discounted. Going through them, asking myself to be honest about whether I'll ever wear them again or if they even fit me right, is essential to curbing my desire for more. Once I've given away a bunch, I'm much more critical about what pieces I let into my wardrobe. This goal combined with #79 encourage quality, not quantity, in what I wear. This Sat I put a bunch of articles in a bag and gave Serena first pick, the rest I'll first try to sell, then donate.

93) Take a photo a week (1/143) 4/8/07

I love pictures. I used to take them everywhere I went until I lost my camera in a bowling alley back in 2002. Now in the digital age and with all the interesting material I'll be encountering there's no reason not to document it in this unparalled medium. This week the recipitent of my lens is my adorable 11 week old niece, Lucy Anabelle.

99) Call Dad once a month (1/33) 4/8/07

As my sister pointed out, this should be bumped up to once a week, but though I'm sure I'll call more than the set amount, I intend to get very busy and could easily miss a week or two straight. One of my dad and I's favorite songs on the radio as I was growing up was Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. Having lost all my grandparents now, and realizing I didn't take full advantage of them while they were here, it's extremely important to keep in close contact with my parents (mom doesn't get a mention on the list because she lives above me and I check in with her just about every day). I called my dad Sat but we played phone tag until he reached me at Mag & Ran's Sun. Suprisingly enough we got to talking about me getting back into art and he commisioned me to do a South Western painting for him and Joan's house in Arizona, touching on goal's #19 and #49.

66) Perform 5 acts from this site (or something like them): Good Deed Ideas(1/5) 4/8/07

I enjoy making people happy. I especially enjoy exceeding people's expectations of humanity. Helping people for no reason other than to help them also confirms my own humanity. My first good deed was paying the bridge toll for the car behind me. It left me with a big sneaky smile on my face, and I felt pretty good the rest of the way home.